Full General Motors 2009-2014 Restructuring Plan

The only thing more amusing than the deranged ramblings of an insane lunatic, are the deranged ramblings of a whole lot of insane lunatics (i.e. the executive committee of General Motors)… and their numerous legal and financial advisors… for whose "efforts" it is of course taxpayers who end up footing the bill…

Well, after going thru the GM plan briefly and suffering cardiac arrest from laughter induced hyperventilation, it only makes sense to share this. The full GM revitalization plan is presented below for your amusement. And if any incipient entrepreneurs are curious, in case you want to get $30 billion of taxpayer money, you have to put together 117 pages of illogical text with the occasional chart and a lot of contradictory statements, such as the table below which lists GM’s key assumptions (and the change of these relative to the plan proposed on December 2). Key among these are:

2009 US GDP of -2%. This is a "little" aggressive when the consensus number is now south of -4%. Maybe the 2% difference will be made up when consumers blow their $16 extra per paycheck from the stimulus plan on Pontiac Sunfires?
Downside auto SAAR: 9.5 million. This number will likely become the upside estimate when GM demands another $30 billion next month.
2012 U.S. and global market share of 20% and 13%. Where is the more realistic 0% and 0%?

Another hilarious chart pops up on page 12 which shows the traditional "first year analyst" rookie mistake of overcompensating on the back end for an ugly front end. Somehow between December 2 and February 17, GM has realized that although 2009 will be horrendous and only 10.5 million cars will be sold relative to prior estimates of 12 million (dream on), in 2012, the company will more than make up for it when SAAR is now somehow expected to be 16 million, versus a 15 million number merely two months ago. Yes, the situation is truly fluid. And if anyone is buying these BS assumptions, they should be summarily disTARPed.