Borowitz Report - Canada Reports Huge Jump in Immigration

Canada Reports Huge Jump in Immigration

BEECHER FALLS, VT - MARCH 23: U.S. Border Patrol Agent Andrew Mayer rides a ATV as he looks for signs of illegal entry along the boundary marker cut into the forest marking the line between Canadian territory on the right and the United States March 23, 2006 near Beecher Falls, Vermont. As American politicians continue to debate immigration reform, Border Patrol agents work the northern border to prevent illegal entry. (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

Over 55,000,000 Requests for Citizenship Since Tuesday Night

OTTAWA (The Borowitz Report) – Canadian immigration officials have reported a huge increase in the number of requests for Canadian citizenship in the past twenty-four hours, with over fifty-five million such inquiries pouring in since late Tuesday night.

Of those fifty-five million requests, well over 99.99% of them came from U.S. citizens, with a particularly large number coming from residents of Florida and Kentucky.

Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Lawrence Cannon said that he was “flabbergasted” by the fifty-five-million-plus requests for Canadian citizenship, adding that it was difficult to pinpoint the precise reasons for the staggering increase.

“My only theory is that after the 2010 winter Olympics, the sport of curling is finally starting to catch on,” he said.

Continue here: Borowitz Report.