It’s sad that comedians have a deeper grasp of the real issues in the U.S. than our mainstream media does, but at least we can laugh. ~ Ilene
By Andy Borowitz, the Borowitz Report
Perry: If Cain is Innocent, He Should Be Executed
Texas Governor Stirs Controversy with Latest Remarks
CONCORD, NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Borowitz Report) – Rick Perry waded into the brouhaha over the sexual harassment charges against Republican presidential rival Herman Cain, telling reporters, “If it turns out he’s innocent, then he should be executed.”
Noting that the case against Mr. Cain was far from airtight, Gov. Perry said, “In Texas we’ve fried men for less than that.”
A Special Offer from America’s Corporations
Inviting You to Share in the American Dream
Dear American:
American corporations have taken a beating recently. We’ve been accused of everything from buying elections to subverting the Constitution to being puppet-masters of the Supreme Court.
To these charges we say: Well, duh.
As a wise man once said, “Corporations are people.” Therefore, to be treated like a person in America today, it stands to reason that you must become a corporation.
Greece Offers to Repay Bailout with Giant Horse
Steed Wheeled Into Brussels at Night
BRUSSELS (The Borowitz Report) – In what many are hailing as a breakthrough solution to Greece’s crippling debt crisis, Greece today offered to repay a bailout from the European Union nations by giving them a gigantic horse.
Finance ministers from sixteen EU nations awoke in Brussels this morning to find that a huge wooden horse had been wheeled into the city center overnight.
China Announces ‘Occupy America’
Mysterious Movement’s Goals Unclear
BEIJING (The Borowitz Report) – The Chinese government raised eyebrows around the world today by announcing a mysterious national movement called “Occupy America.”
In a brief statement, the Chinese government said that while Occupy America was “not exactly a protest movement,” its effects would be felt in “every city, town and Wal-Mart in America.”
