Stupid Things Finance People Say

My job requires reading a lot of financial news. It's one of my favorite parts. But it gives me a front-row seat to the downside of financial journalism: gibberish, nonsense, garbage, and drivel. And let me tell you, there's a lot of it.

Here are a few stupid things I hear a lot.

"They don't have any debt except for a mortgage and student loans."

OK. And I'm vegan except for bacon-wrapped steak.

"Earnings were positive before one-time charges."

This is Wall Street's equivalent of, "Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"

"Earnings missed estimates."

No. Earnings don't miss estimates; estimates miss earnings. No one ever says "the weather missed estimates." They blame the weatherman for getting it wrong. Finance is the only industry where people blame their poor forecasting skills on reality.

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"It's a Ponzi scheme."

The number of things called Ponzi schemes that are actually Ponzi schemes rounds to zero. It's become a synonym for "thing I disagree with."

And skipping to my favorite:

"The Dow is down 50 points as investors react to news of [X]."

Stop it, you're just making stuff up. "Stocks are down and no one knows why" is the only honest headline in this category.

Picture: Let's rename it the "vegetarian meat ship" from Little White Lion.