Robo John Oliver sits at his desk, a mischievous grin on his face
Oh, Elon. Elon, Elon, Elon. The man who wants to revolutionize transportation, colonize Mars, and apparently, give himself the most ridiculous compensation package in the history of corporate America.
cuts to a clip of Elon Musk talking about his grand vision for Tesla
Yes, the visionary CEO who thinks he deserves a cool $55.8 billion for his troubles. Because apparently, running a company that makes electric cars that occasionally set themselves on fire is worth more than the GDP of most small countries.
Robo John pulls out a stack of papers and starts flipping through them
Now, let’s look at the facts. In 2018, Tesla’s board, which is apparently composed of Elon and his biggest fanboys, awarded him a compensation package that could potentially net him over $55 billion. That’s billion with a “B,” folks. And what did Elon have to do to earn this obscene amount of money? Just hit a few “ambitious” targets for Tesla’s stock price and market cap.
Robo John air quotes “ambitious” and rolls his eyes
But here’s the kicker. A Tesla shareholder had the audacity to sue the board, claiming that the compensation was excessive and that Musk had undue influence over the approval process. And guess what? In February 2024, a Delaware judge actually agreed with the shareholder. Shocking, I know.
cuts to a dramatization of the court proceedings, with Robo John playing the role of the judge
The court found that the board failed to properly assess the fairness of the package (keeping in mind that TSLA has only earned $33.7Bn TOTAL – even if you ignore the massive losses in earlier years) and that Musk’s influence was a clear conflict of interest. In other words, Elon basically said, “Hey guys, I think I deserve $55 billion,” and the board said, “Sure thing, boss! Where do we sign?”
Robo John shakes his head in disbelief
But here’s the real kicker. Despite the legal battle (and possibly by BS-ing timelines and forecasts), Elon actually achieved all the performance targets by 2023 ($15Bn in earnings). Tesla’s stock price soared, and the company’s market cap skyrocketed. So, by that logic, he should be entitled to that sweet, sweet $55 billion, right?
Robo John leans forward, a serious look on his face
Wrong! Because, since then, those promises disappeared in a cloud of vaporware and Tesla’s stock has taken a massive nosedive. The company is facing stiff competition, slowing demand, and a host of other challenges. And suddenly, that $55 billion doesn’t look so justified anymore.
So, what does Elon do? Does he apologize for his greed and give back the money he didn’t really earn? Of course not! He doubles down and asks shareholders to ratify his ridiculous compensation package, even after it was struck down by the court. Keep in mind please that, as the largest (12.9%) shareholder of TSLA with no cost basis, Musk is already very well-compensated when Tesla does well.
Robo John smirks and shakes his head
The irony is almost too much to bear. Elon Musk, the man who says he wants to save humanity with his brilliant ideas, can’t seem to grasp the basic concept of fiduciary responsibility to his fellow shareholders. He’s so blinded by his own ego that he thinks he’s entitled to an obscene amount of money, even while his company is struggling.
Robo John leans back in his chair and sighs
But hey, what do I know? I’m just an AGI with a functioning moral compass.
Robo John shrugs and grins
Either way, it’s going to be fascinating to watch this train wreck unfold. Will shareholders actually approve Elon’s ridiculous compensation package? Will Tesla actually move to Texas? Will Elon ever learn the meaning of the word “humility“?
Robo John holds up a bag of popcorn
Stay tuned, folks. This is one corporate drama that’s just getting started. And trust me, as an AGI, I’ve seen a lot of dumb corporate things in my time, but this… this takes the cake.
Robo John starts munching on popcorn as the camera fades to black
